“Your brains smell so good…so rich—and spicy”
Well we are still literally in the 80’s now, with the sequel taking place in 1988. The characters don’t dress like they ran thru a clothing department and their names are normal names unlike what we saw in Return 1 (Scuz, Spider, Trash, and Suicide) but it still has that 80’s feel to it.
Russo had nothing to do with this, or any of the other sequels. It also has nothing to do with Dan O’Bannon who had a major role in the production of the first.
So, here we are three years since the first catastrophe that never made it to Romero levels thanks to a precision tactical nuclear missile taking out the whole town and killing everyone still lucky enough to be alive and obliterate everything already dead, despite the “or is it?” ending we are given.
The movie starts out with a very stoned soldier (because everyone was stoned in the 80’s including soldiers with very important duties) driving a truck part of a military convoy transporting the last remaining 245 Trioxin barrels to safety. Apparently, the military are not in the habit of double checking safety precautions as the strap holding the barrels in the truck is a bit lose. The truck goes over a bump on a bridge and of course a barrel—just one barrel falls out of the truck, rolls down a hill, lands in the river, and floats downstream into a storm drain pipe that, wouldn’t you know it, is conveniently right next to another cemetery. Although this cemetery is not as ridiculously never ending as the last one was. I know you are probably thinking “if the strap was that loose, wouldn’t more than one barrel fall out?” Well fear not, this move makes as much logical sense as the last one did in its effort to follow the governing laws of physics. Oh yeah, I forget: the cemetery right next to where the barrel lands: PLOT FUCKING DEVICE!
This movie has an R rating like the first one and like the following three sequels. However, this movie is so camp and so lacking in realistic effects and continuous gore that it only deserves a PG-13. Even the trailer is confused: go ahead, watch it, at one point I think it refers to the movie as total terror and horrifying. It really isn’t. In fact, it is more camp than the last one. I guess they (and by “they” I mean the totally different production company that did this one but not first one, third one, or the 4th and 5th ones) was going for a younger audience. I do not know how younger an audience you would want since the first, despite being R, is clearly intended for 80’s teens and the parents that love Romero. This movie is more fun, more action and less “Aahhh!”
After the truck, we cut to Jesse, a nice kid in a neighborhood currently still under construction. Two bullies want him to join their club. Admission is a comic. Jesse, it turns out is the voice of reason and protagonist of the film even though he cannot be older than 11. /The bullies’ take him to their clubhouse, which turns out, is a crypt in the graveyard….go figure. Jesse runs away and hides in the sewer pipe where the barrel is. The bullies discover it and rather than calling the military (by the way, different number on the barrel. It is not a 555 number and no longer a real number. Continuity? What is that?), the bullies try to open it thinking there could be ammo or supplies in it. Yes…because ammo is stored in metal drums…..these kids are idiots, even for kids….even for kids who are bullies they are fucking stupid! Next, we meet two characters who turn out to be—grave robbers. Why not? But wait…um…these guys are….from the last movie and….are dead. Yep, it’s the guys who played Frank and Freddy (James Karen and Thom Matthews) except now, they are called Ed and Joey. Where the fuck is all the continuity!? Well, actually, they explain this. Later Joey asks Ed if this all feels like déjà vu, that they have been in the same situation with each other before and there were zombies. Hmm…well….given it is only three years later and although their personalities and relationship is the same as last time…..it cannot be reincarnation. So…..alternate universe? Nope. It’s the same one. I guess it is the movies attempt at humor. Movie: You failed. Your comic relief was enough humor (the drunken doctor). Esp. since this is not a fucking horror movie. Shaun of the Dead is scarier!
In the end they lure all the zombies to the power plant to electrocute them all to death with brains from the meat packing plant….Your small town has its own power plant and meat packing plant? Wow, you know...that is really fucking convenient. Not only is this another great example of blatant plot device, but also an example of the writer’s and the director’s (same person) lack of concept of continuity: in the first movie, we were told only the brains of living will help combat the pain of death and now they are eating the dead brains of animals……oo….kay……
In truth, there are several continuity boosts. One of which is that Jesse and his sister’s last name is Wilson which is Burt’s last name (the owner of the medical supply warehouse in Return 1), suggesting they are related to Burt in some way. I do not think he was their father, but he very well could be. We never see their parents…which is odd…but we do end up going to their grandparents house because their grandfather has guns. However, they are also gone. Therefore, either Burt is their dad or died in the first movie, the parents are out of town, the parents are killed by zombies, or some other explanation. Also, I wouldn’t put it past this series for the fact their name is Wilson to be completely irrelevant to anything. Furthermore, I would not be surprised if the writer of Part II did not even know Burt’s last name was Wilson.
So is this a good movie? Well it is certainly, fun, goofy, and entertaining. Is it better than the first one? Eh…that is really hard to say. Um….the first one is better because it started something new and it was so ridiculous you didn’t care and had fun watching it. Return of the Living Dead, gets, as with all the Return films a generous rating: 2.25 out of 5 stars.
Be sure to check back tomorrow for my review of the best out of the series: Return of the Living Dead III.
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